Shall I Run, or Shall I Fall?

We take one step forward, and then we take three back.
You declared war; yes, you were the first to attack.
So, slowly close your eyes.
Take a deep breath and release.
When you open will you find,
Will you still find me?

And so, where does that leave you, leave me?
Where does that leave us?
Where do we go from here?
I never wanted all of this fuss.
I never wanted the whole world.
I never asked for all the diamonds and every pearl.
All I ever wanted was you, you to want me too.

I look up at the stars,
And I look up at the sun,
And I know who you are,
And I know you are the one,
Yes, I know what you have done,
But you are still the one.

This wasn't my sole intention,
But my sole intended otherwise.
All my certainties of your flaws
Become doubts when you look into my eyes.

Grab your long-sleeve tee
And meet me outside.
I am here for any need;
I am a safe place to confide.
Please, dear, don't fear.
It's just you and me here.
Share your secrets, your blanket, your heart.
I swear to protect, in my own,your shaking hands
As long as you do your part
And give me this dance.

She'll Be Coming 'Round the Mountain when She Comes

     Well, it has been awhile. During this time, my entire world has been altered, yet, at the same time, it is all the same. I have been diagnosed with PCOS, poly cystic ovarian syndrome (not to be confused with poly cystic ovaries.)  This comes along with a list of beyond annoying symptoms.  Pray for me, por favor.  My junior year prom is totally out of hands and will more than likely not come close to any expectations I had hoped for.  However, I got a free and spectacular dress and a date!  No, he is not my boyfriend.  I am unaware for certain any non-friendly feelings... never say never, though, right? I do feel bad for him.  It will take a lot right now for the exception to prove to me the rule I have validated that a boy being anything more than my friend is a complete and utter fail.  They are so good at keepin' you strung along, being great at moments, then, at the worst possible moment, becoming so unresponsive and/ or rude, one may or not write songs about it... anyhow, right now is just a giant "wait a moment" from life.  I will try keep you updated... in less than six months this time.  Be breezy, long lost amigos.

When I Grow Up....To Be A Flapper

       The location of a digit in a number can make all the difference in the world.  For instance, we are currently in the year 2012, but, however, I would much rather be living in the decade of the 1920s.  The fashion, the music, the lifestyle, it all intrigues me, not to mention my long-life aspiration of meeting, probably becoming best friends, and sing and dance in a movie with Bing Crosby.  It was an innovative time, filled with dreams of freedom and prosperity, and much done to attain these dreams. The same ol' same ol' was whisked away, especially for women.  Due to ready made clothing and canned foods, females were ready to leave the house, to explore, to experience.  The flapper idea is a particular one that delights me. The bravery to cut hair and almost, possibly occasionally, show knee, along with the dynamite attitude and lipstick to match, the young and restless were prepared to live on the edge, and most importantly, dance.   Jazz! This special genre, unlike any other, than can create feelings unlike any other to this day, was created, cultivated, and made magic happen during the Roaring 20s.  Party, party, party was the to-do marking this period, and the more extravagant and expensive, the better.  Passion outweighed caution.  Nightlife outweighed sleep. Excitement outweighed peace. Happiness, long or short lasting, outweighed guilt.  Not even the sky was the limit, and any day could be the last.  Such "living-each-moment-to-the-fullest" I admire, even if the lifestyle was not the most commendable.  I may or may not dream of wearing adorable and daring fringed dresses, with short, fiery hair-do, crimson cheeks and lips, dancing the evening away to the jazz orchestra!.... Okay, okay, I am caught; I do.  I may do it often... Okay, I do it very often.   'Tis not very realistic, impossible, actually, so I suppose the books, music, movies, and my imagination'll have to do for my Roaring 20s fix.

I've Got a Basket Full of Lemons and They All Taste the Same.

"I got a basket full of lemons and they all taste the same,a window and a pigeon with a broken wing.
You can spend your whole life workin’ for something,just to have it taken away.
People walk a tight rope on a razors edge carrying their hurt and hatred and weapons.
It could be a bomb or a bullet or a pen, or a thought or a word or a sentence.
The wind blows wild and I may move, the politicians lie and I am not fooled.
You don't need no reason or a three piece suit to argue the truth.
The air on my skin and the world under my toes, slavery stitched into the fabric of my clothes,
Chaos and commotion wherever I go, love I try to follow.
There ain't no reason things are this way.
It's how they always been and they intend to stay.
I can't explain why we live this way, we do it everyday.
Love will come set me free
Love will come set me free, I do believe
Love will come set me free, I know it will
Love will come set me free, yes."
                                             -Brett Dennen: Ain't No Reason




"And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming, or the moment of truth in your lies.
When everything feels like the movies, yeah, you'd bleed just to know you're alive.

And I don't want the world to see me cause I don't think that they'd understand.
When everything's made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am."
                                          -Goo Goo Dolls: Iris

"I can finally see that you're right there beside me.
I am not my own, for I have been made anew.
Please don't let me go.
I desperately need you."
                                        -Owl City: Meteor Shower

"Just past the circumstance, the first light a second chance.
No child could ever dance the way you do oh.
Tear down the prison walls, don't stop the curtain calls.
Your chains will never fall until you do.

Don't let the night become the day; don't take the darkness to the grave.
I know pain is just a place. The will has been broken.
Don't let the fear become the hate; don't take the sadness to the grave.
I know the fight is on the way when the sides have been chosen.

Cause' if you never leave home, never let go, you'll never make it to the great unknown.
Open up your eyes, keep your eyes open.
So tell me you're strong, tell me you see, I need to hear it, can you promise me
To keep your eyes... open my love.
So show me your fire, show me your heart, you know I'll never let you fall apart
If you keep your eyes... open my love
Keep your eyes... (keep your eyes open)"
                                          -Needtobreathe: Keep Your Eyes Open

"More times than not the ones you love are who you let down.
We're chasing something big our parents never tracked down.
The hardest part is looking back and making sense of the humble tries and troubled times of where we came from.

Still I'm feeling like a vagrant in my own town.
I'm like an awkward conversation.
All of this work and I ain't seein' any wages,
I ain't gonna stop until I do."
                                         -Needtobreathe: Tyrant Kings

                       Gosh, the list could go on forever! However, I doubt you have even have the time to read the snipets from the songs I did post.  Music is the universal language. Unlike most languages, though, it transcends the brain straight to the soul.  Music is particularly special to me, lyrics, especially.  Needtobreathe's Tyrant Kings lyrics, starting backwards, just for the heck of it, describes something I think every human, whether they admit it or not, deals with at some point.  It speaks of not belonging, feeling alone, unneeded, unwanted, and even pointless, hopeless. It also creates a stir of hope because it states " I ain't gonna stop until I do." Until I see results, until I get where I'm trying to go, I'll keep on keepin' on. Needtobreathe's Keep Your Eyes Open could be taken different ways, but I like to think of it as my Creator speaking to me. He's telling me not to settle for what majority of the world has. He's telling me He has more in store for me, epic plans! But that for whomever wants the most of this destiny can't sit in a comfort zone forever. In order to reach this, one must do brave things, maybe even seemingly stupid, with faith. One of my all time favorite lines is in this song: "Your chains will never fall until you do." I don't think I can add anything more to that; chew on it for awhile, will ya?  Owl City's Adam Young certainly has a way with words. Although Meteor Shower's lyrics are on the shorter, more simple side, it hits home.  Iris by the Goo Goo Doll's is an overall incredible song. As a personal thing, they may not be my very favorite band(no offense to anyone who thinks otherwise), but this song gives me chills every time I hear it. Between the tremendous, building instrumentals and words about someone who doesn't want to be noticed by so many who don't understand why (s)he is feeling what they're feeling, someone who in  a world of brokenness, of heartbreak, only wants this one particular thing to be okay.  One of the most brilliantly and heart-hitting songs in my opinion is Brett Dennen's Ain't No Reason.  It basically sums up life.  This song sums up how we don't know why we do what we do, but we do it anyhow, and how it's always been the way it is and always will be.  It sneakily declares the unfair, yet normal day-to-day issues and standards. This song also proclaims the rescue from the daily grind by love. The power of belief over twisted fact has such power. Free love sets free.  And he has a spectacular voice. I strongly encourage you all to look up and listen to, not hear, but actually listen to every single one of these masterpieces, and I will gladly share more music with any interested.  Well, that's a wrap, folks!