She'll Be Coming 'Round the Mountain when She Comes

     Well, it has been awhile. During this time, my entire world has been altered, yet, at the same time, it is all the same. I have been diagnosed with PCOS, poly cystic ovarian syndrome (not to be confused with poly cystic ovaries.)  This comes along with a list of beyond annoying symptoms.  Pray for me, por favor.  My junior year prom is totally out of hands and will more than likely not come close to any expectations I had hoped for.  However, I got a free and spectacular dress and a date!  No, he is not my boyfriend.  I am unaware for certain any non-friendly feelings... never say never, though, right? I do feel bad for him.  It will take a lot right now for the exception to prove to me the rule I have validated that a boy being anything more than my friend is a complete and utter fail.  They are so good at keepin' you strung along, being great at moments, then, at the worst possible moment, becoming so unresponsive and/ or rude, one may or not write songs about it... anyhow, right now is just a giant "wait a moment" from life.  I will try keep you updated... in less than six months this time.  Be breezy, long lost amigos.

The 17th Year.

       Well, as of the 5th of January of this year, 2013, I am now 17 years of age.  I feel like I have little to show for it.  I should already have a record deal and Oscar nomination..or at least just one of these.  A character of a long- running television drama would suffice.  Time is flying by.  But not in a good way as I work my way through life (high-school) with giving as little of my heart and soul away to have a steady, normal friend base.  The result?" I know everyone" and everyone knows who I am...but few know me... if any.  I am not looking for pity or sympathy.  I just want to feel something.  I can be so driven.  I can be so disciplined.  So why am I not? Or why am I not getting anywhere with it?  I want to make a difference.  I want to be something.  I want to be someone.  At times I feel as though my feelings are so strong for a reason.  I am destined for more than typicality. And other times I feel as though every middle class American is a bundle of broken dreams and regret.  This regret may be for things wished to be undone.  And some regrets, most I would imagine, are the lack of spontaneity, the risks not taken.  Money can buy happiness.  However, money cannot fill voids nor provide lasting joys.  Still essential to life, of course it is, but it sure does complicate things. Then there are relationships.  A junior in high-school should have a best best friend and boy friend at all times, right?  Boy, I hope not.  If so, add another fail to the list.  Do not get me wrong, I am not one of those girls who gets all mushy gushy, but every human, if honest, craves someone to get that.  We want to be wanted by someone we want.  Chivalry may not be completely dead, but it sure is rare... or taken.  I get so caught in my dreams because reality never measures up, but those dreams build up upon themselves and reality only disappoints me even more.  I hope there is a point to it all.  I hope I have a destiny. But once more, this all still revolves around dreams.  Sometimes I push just to get through the day to escape to music or film or literature or my own chaotic mind to bring some creative peace that may not be real, but it sure makes me feel better.  That is until reality rises with the sun.  It is a vicious cycle.  Almost like alcohol and a hangover.  And suddenly addicts are viewed by me more as victims rather than bad guys.  Coping negatively with negative situations is only natural.  Positive proaction is far more difficult.  I feel a certain extent of numbness.  And that frightens me far more than any pain.

CHRISTMAS.

     Christmas- my absolute FAVORITE season has passed yet another year. Yet another year that it never felt like "Christmastime."  Another year that the holiday "creeped" upon us all, and we have yet to believe it is over.  It comes the same time each year.  How can we not be prepared for it?  Not necessarily what we wrap, but our hearts.  Why can we not believe it is Christmas? It sounds like a personal problem that even I, lover of any and all things Christmas, is guilty of.  It does not feel like Christmas because we do not feel like it.  I do not think this is a conscious doing.  I certainly do not go out of my way to rush through this time.  The world is going down hill.  This we all know.  And this is an inevitable sign of our coming again Lord that Christmas is built around at its essence.  However, how we respond is entirely up to us.  Let us be prepared.  Let us prepare our hearts, and others, of the joy, the magic, the love that only Christmas can bring in such a united manner.  Better yet, let us be Christmas to the world year 'round.  Challenge accepted.  Merry Christmas, and happy new year. Here's to the Christmas-est year ever of life...Until next year.

A Pilgrim and an Indian Have a Party

       Thanksgiving typically brings up similarly following subjects: turkey, casseroles(green bean,sweet potato, etc.), turkey, black Friday,  turkey, traveling,  turkey.  Nothing is wrong with any of this.  I, like every other good American, does enjoy a tasty meal(or more) on this beloved holiday.  However, does anyone remember why we gorge upon delicious foods? Upon asked, many would say "Pilgrims" or perhaps "Indians" or maybe even "America", but the gorging did have a purpose.  The 

Pilgrims had been through thick.  They had known famine as an unending characteristic of their new life.  They chose freedom over security.  They gave up prosperity to follow a calling.  What is more, the people that should have been (and some were for a time) enemies ended up being their God-sent heroes, literally.  The story may not be forgotten, but with time the impact loses power.  As elastic loses its stretch over time, stories of old often seem less relatable. People do not change.  Our flesh has not changed since the beginning of time.  Add a few iPhones, tablet, and possibly a flying car, and the story of the first Thanksgiving could happen today.  I love pumpkin.  I love a great sale.  Let us not lose sight of the sacrifice and important time of family(even the ones that do not technically share the same blood).  Also, cliche as it sounds, let us not forget thankfulness does not have to only be a once a year thing. And finally, it is officially Christmas time, the most wonderful time of the year, to say the least.

A Secret.

We're far too alike, you and I.
 We can't accept compliments and smile through the crap of life.
To each other we vent and confide
But we leave just the same.
We're growing and learning the meaning and importance of being selflessly selfish.
I wish I could put into words what this is; I wish I knew myself.
I have always been so independent,so what's this sudden need for help?
I don't wanna admit, but you are the nicest thing.
Nice in multiple ways and in multiple ways does my heart go.
I want this to remain a secret,but I want you to know.
We run around the rules,the ones that keep us from our fate.
We search for our shot,but end up being the bate.
Love- a word-an action,feeling,and state of being,
Said too often, and not meant enough.
But until my reflection shines true
I can't love me,and can't truly love you.

I'M IN LOVE! I'M IN LOVE! AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!!

               So, this title may be slightly deceiving. This is not a lie, but I doubt this blog will be what you all expect. I have come to a realization. Life sucks. Life will NEVER be perfect. We cannot wait for the world to get its ducks in a row for us to be happy.  "It"(whatever it may be) is not about that; "it" is about finding happiness through the crap,and boy, is there loads of that.  This, my friends, is true joy.  The relationships that grow from struggle, the friends that become family when everyone else turns their backs, when doors one would swear were the "thing" are slammed in our faces, when we find happiness in these is when we find the best moments of our lives. I am in love with life, not because I have the perfect lover, best hair ever, or dream job opportunities popping up, for I am single, my hair has a mind of it's own, a ginger curly mess, and I work at Chick- Fil- A while trying to get through this maze we call high-school.  I am in love with life because I finally realized it a choice neutral to situations.  I am happy because if I do not decide to be happy, there is, and will always be, far too much to keep me unhappy, depressed, even. I am going to love myself.  Note the "-ing" ending because I realize this will be a draining process. But I cannot love anything without loving myself. I deserve to feel beautiful, not because of pride, but because I realized it is ok, healthy, actually, to walk by a mirror and smile genuinely at what I see.  I decide to be happy because for too long I have allowed others and their opinions to define me.  Here I am. I am happy. I am in love.  This is a beginning, not an end.

THE SOUTH.

            Disney World is spectacular, but it is neither the happiest nor greatest place on earth.  However it is located in this area. This area I would be referring to is...wait for it....drumroll please.... the South.  Now, I may be slightly biased considering I am a born and raised Georgia peach, but my devotion is deeper than words on a birth certificate.  I could go into the differences between "Redneck", "Country", "Blue-Grass", and "Southern", and believe me there is a difference(some of you Yankees may be taken aback by this, no offense), but I would like to put more effort into emphasizing the fact that just as not every single human living on the Northeast shore is a "Jersey Shore" character, we are not all as ridiculous as "reality" t.v. shows make us out to me. We have class. We have dignity. We have hygiene. Not to mention one of our specialties, hospitality. I never meet a stranger, thanks to the example of Momma.  And if you have been to the house or church or any kind of special event, practically, you are family.  And we treat family right, even when they are knuckleheads. Oh, they are gonna learn their lesson, be sure, but we are going to take of them.  We do not miss church unless we are out of town or in the hospital, and if the latter, after service the congregation'll be cramped in that little room or bringing some homemade goodies to the family.  And although some church is though of as more of a chore or "have-to" rather than "want-to", this does hold us accountable, and sometimes we get the most out of those services that we momentarily thought about sleeping in.  We do not know much about personal space nor personal business. We always mean well.  We are innovative.  Sometimes our hearts and brains disagree, and when this happens, it is a tricky thing to master which to follow.  Right or wrong, we typically go with the heart. Football is more than a sport. It is a characteristic.  It is a party.  It is a binging factor.  Unsweet tea is simply incomplete sweet tea.  I do not consider myself to be an extremist. I am decently cultured.  I appreciate many arts and places and ways of life.  I am independent.  But, there is something about a boy in a flannel driving a truck, particularly an older one, with a power G tag on front, the cherry on top.  This makes me almost as happy as the sound of a banjo, fiddle, mandolin, and/or multiple part harmonies. Family harmonies, those are the best.  Not to the mention the South's beauty! Rolling hills, valleys, beaches, lakes, mountains, flowers, greens upon pinks upon blues upon purples during spring and summer! An array of warm hues during fall, mixed with festivals, all things pumpkin.  Christmas time! Lights, lights, lights! Prayers for snow!  Forever is not enough time to describe this Southern Belle's home, so how's about comin' for a visit and seein' for yaself:)